“Dear Barney, Robin, Lily, Marshall & Ted:
You used to make me laugh every week. We had some great moments, you and me. Those times I almost peed my pants. The episodes I watched over and over again. The Pineapple, the Duel, the Slutty Pumpkin, the Goat… Sandcastles in the Sand and Let’s Go to the Mall had me rolling on the floor. All the hints and flash forwards kept me interested, trying to figure out if we had met the mother yet and who she could be. Every week I would be so excited for the new episode. And then you started changing on me.
The focus shifted. It was no longer about Ted. And frankly, that was okay. Lily, Marshall, Barney & Robin had become more interesting. Ted, you started getting on my nerves. This break up is mostly your fault. You can’t complain about how you want to get married, and yet constantly go out to pick up chicks with Barney and go on dates with crazy women that we never even see, or women like Zoey who are completely and obviously wrong for you. You don’t want to get married or be happy. At this point, you are just a self-sabotaging tool.
There’s always a lead up to every break up. This has been coming since Robin & Barney broke up. And this past Monday was the last straw. You managed to make me laugh a few times, and things did happen in the show, which was a welcome change. However, everything that happened made me go “What the eff?!” I’m sorry Kumar, but you and Robin have no chemistry. Her life long aversion to marriage and recent struggle with the fact that she can’t have children cannot be cured by you. You’re nice and all, but no. I don’t believe that she would 1) want to marry you and 2) love you enough to want you to find true happiness with someone else.
Barney cannot fall in love with a stripper. I believe that he actually wants a relationship, but not with a stripper. Plus she’s too smart to be a stripper. No offense to strippers. And he’s supposed to end up with Robin. Which brings me to the big reason why I am leaving you…
Mere moments before we find Ted & Robin on the roof, I said to the Hubbster: “You know, they had that episode with Victoria where she told Ted that Robin was his problem, and then they never did anything with it.” That’s when you chose to do something. And that something was so stupid. We’ve been here with Ted & Robin. They dated. They broke up. They have even relapsed. He has been over her for a long time. Or so I thought. If he is still “in love with her” after 7 years and numerous other relationships (including Barney & Robin, who are completely meant to be), how is he supposed to get his shit together for the mother? Tell me that, Carter Bays & Craig Thomas. You told us in the FIRST EPISODE that Robin was not the mother. Remember that? “That’s how I met your Aunt Robin.”
Why are you taking us down this road again?! I can’t do it. I cannot follow you there. So this is it for us. Maybe after some time has passed, if I hear you are doing well, we can sit down over coffee and have a talk about how you’ve grown as a show and why I should take you back. But for now, this is me saying goodbye. It’s been real.